she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
