do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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