Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
