Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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