You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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