That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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