idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
