So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
