Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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