woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
