Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
