i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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