he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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