ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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