I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
