i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we made out on top of his cat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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