dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
