you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
