so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
