it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
