The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
