im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
