that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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