I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
no you cant smoke seaweed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
