There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
