so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
