He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize