I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
