Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
