So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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