My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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