My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Found your dick twin last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize