he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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