I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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