If that was your dad, he is hot
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
