I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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