bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
