just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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