I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bring me that man meat
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
