Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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