My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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