I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
