So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize