So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
