Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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