I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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