her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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