Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
