so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
