I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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