fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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