awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
