dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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