I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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