it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
