I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize