it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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