i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sober January is a disaster.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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