I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
did i walk over a car last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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