I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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