I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
