called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
