My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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