Moan for me like Helen Keller
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
