i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
