you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
