Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My vagina just clenched in fear
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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