She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
