My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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