Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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