You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
