there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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