Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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