dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
